


Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you

by ForEvenAndEver (yuraxchan)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Dealing With Guilt, Domestic!AU, Established Relationship, M/M, Manic Episode, Medication, Mentions of Sex, and its effects, dealing with hypersexuality, isak is trying his best to help, talk about hypersexuality and hyposexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 13:39:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11254080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/ForEvenAndEver
Summary: Even was having an episode and he missed all the signs. He was usually good at gauging Even’s mood, but he totally missed the clues this time.





	Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you

**Author's Note:**

> I've made lots of researches but I might still be lacking as I'm not 100% familiar with bipolar disorder. I hope there's nothing offensive in what I wrote. Please kindly point it out to me if that's the case. Tell me of I need to add more warnings too!
> 
> Title from John Legend's song "All of me".

Isak didn’t realize something was wrong until Even started humping his ass just after they’ve had sex. Really intense sex; which was borderline painful for him and which left him boneless and out of breath for long minutes. His confusion turned to dread as Even kept mouthing at his shoulder blade while rubbing his erection on his lower back sloppily. “Want you,” he panted against his sweaty skin. “I want to fuck you.”

Sure, Even had been very enthusiastic this morning when they’d waken up, peppering kisses all over Isak’s body and sliding between his legs to blow him. But Isak hadn’t minded, sighing contentedly as Even took his half-hard cock into his mouth and started bobbing his head up and down at a fast pace. Still half asleep, Isak had moaned and bucked his hips, carding his fingers through Even’s hair, massaging his scalp.

Even fingering him in the shower only one hour later must have been a dead giveaway. Even jumping him just as he got through the door after school another one. But Isak had been slow on the uptake, it seemed. Now, he blamed himself for ignoring the warning signs. Even was having an episode and he missed all the signs. He was usually good at gauging Even’s mood, but he totally missed the clues this time. In his defense, it was the first time Even was having this kind of episode with him.

“Babe,” he says softly. “I’m exhausted and sore.”

Humming, Even’s hands reached his asscheeks, palming them. “Can I rim you then?”

Isak frowned. He didn’t know how to proceed. Usually, when he noticed something was wrong he would hold Even close and ask him if he took his meds. He knew better than suggest him to take them bluntly. He would kiss his boyfriend softly, pet his hair and coax him to lie down with him. Even melted when they snuggled, getting pliant under Isak’s kisses and touches. They would stay silent, then Even would take his meds and curl up around Isak’s body.

Even told him all about the risks of his highs and downs. About the moods, but also the consequences. How it would affect their relationship. So Isak knew about the sex part too. The hypersexuality when Even was high, the hyposexuality when he was down. He knew. He just didn’t know what to make of it, how to act, what to do to help his boyfriend when it happened. It was the first time he experienced it after all. He knew he could hurt Even’s feelings if he rejected him when he was high, but he also knew that having sex wasn’t the solution.

Turning around slowly, he tried not to get distracted by Even’s lips nibbling at the skin on his neck or his fingers probing at his rim. He had to keep a clear mind. He cupped Even’s face and forced him to look into his eyes. “Even,” he started softly. “We should sleep now. We’re both tired.” He paused, biting his lips. “Did you perhaps forget to take your meds?” he tried.

Tensing, Even’s eyes dimmed. Isak hated the hurt and betrayed look Even was sending his way. He hated to be the one hurting him but he didn’t have a choice. Even had to take his meds right now. “Did you miss work today?” he continued. Even dropped his gaze, his hands leaving Isak’s body as he became limp. Isak took a deep breath, his thumbs stroking Even’s cheeks gently, reassuringly. “It’s okay. It’s fine. You’re safe.” he promised. “I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry.” Even breathed out.

Isak shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry.” he insisted, pecking his lips tenderly. “I’m going to get up now, okay?”

At Even’s small nod, he carefully extracted himself from the sheets and stood up. He didn’t bother getting dressed, just went to search a glass of water and Even’s meds. He felt guilty for not noticing sooner but there was nothing he could do about it now, and chastising himself wouldn’t help. He had to make sure Even would be okay first, then he would allow himself to wallow in guilt and self-pity at his own stupidity.

Even was lying on his back and gazing at the ceiling when he came back. Isak sat on the edge of the bed and waited until Even glanced at him before handing him the glass and the meds. Even sat up and took them from him in silence, taking his meds and gulping down the water before leaving the empty glass on the nightstand. He wouldn’t meet Isak’s eyes and Isak’s chest ached. He scooted closer and put his hand on his cheek to get his attention. “How are you feeling?”

“I could have hurt you.” Even frowned, glaring at the sheets.

“You didn’t, you wouldn’t.” Isak replied, leaning in to kiss him. “Everything is fine.” He wanted to apologize too, but it would only make Even feel bad.

Even only let him kiss once before pulling away, sliding down the bed and offering him his back. Isak bit his lips, trying not to take it personally and lied down beside him, making sure to keep some distance between their naked bodies. Even needed space. Isak would wait until he would fall asleep before hugging him. He didn’t want Even to wake up feeling cold and lonely, to think he fucked up and that Isak didn’t want him, didn’t love him anymore. It would only make things worse. Isak already knew how guilty he felt and how bad he would feel the day after.

When Even’s breathing evened out, his meds rendering him sleepy after an episode, Isak carefully got closer, embracing him. His hand settled on Even’s naked tummy and he pressed a warm kiss to his shoulder. He concentrated on Even’s huffs and puffs of air, on the way his chest expanded as he breathed and let himself relax. Even was safe. They were safe. Everything was fine. He fell asleep quickly afterwards, his cheek resting against Even’s shoulder blade.

When his alarm rang the next morning, he blinked his eyes open and automatically tightened his hold on his boyfriend. He pulled away to stop the alarm but quickly rolled back against Even, his chest colliding with his warm back softly. Even wasn’t moving but Isak knew he was awake. “Good morning,” he rasped, his voice full of sleep. There was a small silence before Even replied with a soft “good morning”. Relieved to hear his voice, Isak planted a kiss to his neck, grateful. “Do you want me to stay with you today?” he inquired.

Even tensed up and sighed. “I don’t want to-”

“I _want_ to be with you.” Isak cut him off before he could say something that would hurt them both. “I’ll stay.” At Even’s little shrug, he smiled. His fingers started tracing arabesques on Even’s tummy and he could feel him relax in his embrace, leaning against his chest. “How are you feeling?” he whispered.

“Like I’ve been run over by a bus.” Even chuckled hollowly.

“I’m sorry,” Isak finally said. “For not noticing sooner.”

“I should have taken my meds, you’re not supposed to monitor me.” Even snapped.

Isak’s fingers stopped moving. “No, but I should have been more careful.”

“You couldn’t have known. It never happened since we’ve been together...” his boyfriend mumbled, sounding embarrassed. “I wish it didn’t happen.”

“I thought you were just horny...” Isak blurted out lamely.

A laugh bubbled up from Even’s body at that. It made Isak’s heart flutter to hear that beautiful noise. “It’s because I’m always horny for you. I can’t keep my hands off you, Isak.”

Isak let out an embarrassing noise and hid his face against Even’s back. “I’m worse than you though. I was driven by my own lust.”

Even became quiet. “I don’t want you to think I’m manic when I’m horny now...”

“I won’t.” Isak assured. “Now, I think I’ll now. It wasn’t obvious yesterday, but you were acting different.”

Even nodded and turned around in his embrace to face him. Isak wanted to kiss him but Even looked pensive and hesitant so he didn’t.

“What is it?” he asked instead.

“You know...There will be times when I won’t want you to kiss me or touch me, I won’t want to make love to you.” Even confessed, looking small and vulnerable.

“I know.” They’ve had talked about it once, so he knew. But it never happened, until now.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you, or that I don’t love you.” Even furrowed his eyebrows. “Because it’ll never happen, me not wanting you, me not loving you.”

“Okay.” Isak said, reaching for his hand. “I love you too.” He added as he kissed Even’s palm.

Even smiled a little at that.

“Is is how you’re feeling right now? Do you want me not to touch you?” He knew Even could feel his boner against his thigh. He couldn’t help it, his body always reacted when they were both naked and touching. Besides, he remembered how good it felt when Even was deep inside of him yesterday. He needed to make sure his boyfriend wasn’t uncomfortable though.

Shaking his head, Even’s face came closer, their nose bumping into each other. He rubbed their nose together lovingly and rested his hand against Isak’s cheek.

“Are you sure?” he could feel it too, that Even wasn’t excited. He knew it was the meds effect but he needed to make sure.

“Just the meds.” Even confirmed, slotting their mouths together. “Sorry if you wanted...”

Isak rolled his eyes, snorting. “My ass is sore. It’s like I can still feel you inside me.”

Biting his lips, Even looked worried. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Of course not.” Isak petted his hair, avoiding his gaze. “I would have stopped you.”

“Did I?” Even asked, narrowing his eyes. “ _Would you_?” Isak was a terrible liar. Even knew it.

“Alright...” he trailed off, pouting. Even had made him promise to tell him those things. “It was close because I was oversensitive but you didn’t hurt me. And yes, I would stop you, I promise.”

Even closed his eyes briefly.

“Hey,” Isak called, panicking. “I’m fine. You didn’t do anything wrong. Believe me, okay?” He stroked Even’s cheek and pressed a few kisses to his lips. “Please don’t be sad.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Even admitted in a small voice. “I won’t forgive myself if I hurt you, Isak.”

“You didn’t hurt me, and you won’t.”

“Yet.”

“You won’t hurt me. Period.” Isak replied sassily against his mouth, tugging at his hair. Even opened his mouth to protest but Isak kissed him again, shutting him up. “I love you.” He knew Even still felt guilty and there was nothing Isak could do about it but reassure him that _he_ was fine, that _they_ were fine, and that he _loved_ him. “I love you,” he repeated a few times for good measure, punctuating his words with kisses.

Even’s face softened considerably as he kept hearing the words and his body relaxed. He replied to the last kiss, curling a hand around Isak’s neck to deepen it, slipping his tongue inside his mouth—morning breath be damned. He kissed him leisurely, sensually, making Isak moan a little. He only pulled away when he felt Isak shiver against him.

“I love you too.” He breathed out. “So fucking much.” At Isak’s beaming smile, he smiled back. “Is there something I can do to make you feel better?” Isak frowned. “You said you were sore.”

“Oh,” Isak said. He knew it made Even feel better if he could do something nice to Isak after his episodes. To make amends in a way. Isak thought it wasn’t necessary, it wasn’t Even’s fault after all, but he knew it would help with the guilt. Isak only wanted what was best for Even so he caved. “You could massage my lower back and let me cuddle you.”

Arching one eyebrow, Even stared him down. “That’s it?”

Nodding, Isak pecked his mouth. “Please.”

He let out a content sigh as Even’s hand start massaging his back cautiously, rubbing circles on the skin there, and sliding down to massage his butt too. He also hugged Isak closer, tangling their legs together.

Isak dropped his head against his collarbone and pressed a kiss there. “Thank you.”

Even hummed and kissed the top of his head in response.

Isak knew it wasn’t ideal, how they dealt with it, how they coped, but at least _he_ was trying, _they_ were trying. He hoped he would learn to be a better boyfriend along the way. He knew it would take time but he would do his best to make it work, to make them work. He just needed Even to trust him to be there for him, to do the right thing, to love him.


End file.
